Separation support
Separating is one of the hardest decisions you can make. Are you wondering if there is still something worth saving? Or do you know it is over, but cannot quite take that step yet? There is room for both. Maybe the choice has even been made for you, and now you have to figure out how to deal with it. However you ended up here, I help couples navigate this process as respectfully as possible.
Your partner does not need to join. Individual coaching is also available.
Separating with respect
Sometimes separating is the right choice. That does not mean there is no pain, or no respect for what you built together.
I help you find a way that is fair to both of you, and most of all to the children if there are any.
Why separation support?
A separation is more than the end of a relationship. It affects everything: your identity, your daily life, your finances, often your children too. The emotions are intense. Relief, grief, guilt, fear and anger, you feel it all jumbled together.
Many couples struggle with the same question: how do we do this well? How do the children get hurt as little as possible? How do you talk together when communication has faltered for years? That is what I help you with.
Separation support is not relationship therapy. The goal is not to bring you back together. The goal is to separate as adults, with respect for what you had and an eye for what you need now.
That matters even more when children are involved. They are affected the most, even if they sometimes seem to notice little.
My approach
I work with both partners, together or individually, depending on what you need. Sometimes it helps to talk on your own first, sometimes together, so we can make practical agreements.
We work on three things. Communication: how do you talk about difficult things without escalating? Practical matters: how do you divide responsibilities, especially with children? And the emotional: how do you process the end and how do you move forward?
Two people are rarely at the same point here. Maybe you have both made the decision and it is purely about the how. Maybe one of you is still unsure. If you have decided, I will not nudge you away from it and we focus on a respectful parting. If you are still in doubt, we look at that honestly.
Children first
The children come first. I help you communicate as parents and make agreements that work for them. How you tell the children differs by age, what works for a toddler is different from a teenager. We look at that together.
Practical support
Beyond the emotional, we also work on practical matters: division, finances, parenting. Concrete handles. We also discuss whether mediation might be an option for your situation, an alternative to an adversarial approach.
Respectful process
Separation does not have to be a battle. I help you navigate this transition with dignity.
What can you expect?
The work begins with a free, no-obligation intro call. I get a sense of your situation and we check that I am the right person. Session length, frequency, and evaluation work the same whichever path we take. The approach page sets it out step by step.
What is specific here is the pacing. In the beginning sessions are often more frequent, for practical agreements; later it is more about processing. No quick fix, but no endless coaching either. The aim: you part with respect, the children are affected as little as possible, and you both make a fresh start.
Separating as an international couple raises a question Dutch couples rarely face: whether one of you now goes home. If one partner came here for the other and the reason has gone, the choice is not only who lives where in the city, but which country the children grow up in. It is better to say that out loud early, with both of you in the room, than to discover it halfway through. Sessions are in English, in Uithoorn near Amsterdam, or online.
The costs are worth settling early too, because a separation already has enough moving parts. Separation support is not reimbursed by Dutch health insurance, so you pay for it yourselves, on Dutch or foreign insurance alike — no referral, no waiting list, no claim. You pay per session up front, by payment request or bank transfer, and how you split that between you is your own arrangement. The intro call is free; the pricing page lists the rates.
Who is separation support for?
Separation support is for couples who want to separate with respect, especially when there are children. Also for individuals going through a separation who are looking for support.
Couples reach out with questions like:
- You want to separate but communication is difficult
- There are children and you want to put their interests first
- You are having trouble making practical agreements
- One of you is struggling with the decision to separate
- You want to process the separation and make a fresh start
How to tell the children
Two age groups: young children who think concretely and need simple, repetitive reassurance, and older children who can handle more nuance and want honesty without adult details. These examples are starting points we adapt in sessions.
Up to about 8 years
"Mom and dad are going to live in two different homes. That is a decision we made, and it is not your fault. We both still love you and we are both still your parents. We will keep you safe."
Concrete, short, repetitive. They worry about daily life: where they sleep, who picks them up, whether both parents still love them. Reassure often. Watch for regression, sleep disruption or clinginess; that is how young children process big change.
From about 9 years
"We have tried to solve our problems together and we have decided we will be better parents living in separate homes. This is not because of anything you did. You are allowed to feel whatever you feel about it, even if those feelings change. We will keep your routines, school and friendships as stable as possible, and you can ask us anything."
They can handle nuance and want honesty, but not adult details. Give them space to ask questions and express emotions without pressuring them to choose a side or carry your feelings. Watch for withdrawal, anger, or a sudden "I am fine" that hides loyalty conflicts.
An example session
A session often starts practically. What needs arranging this week, and how do you do that without escalating? We put one difficult topic on the table, for example how you tell the children, and literally practise how to say it. Who starts, which words, what you deliberately do not say.
With children we often work towards a concrete "parenting plan in plain language". Where they live and when, how you explain it together, which message they both hear? You leave with concrete agreements, not loose intentions.
How the work usually unfolds
No fixed schedule. It depends on how far along you are and whether there are children. Most people move through these phases, though the order sometimes varies.
Get clear
Where do you each stand, what is decided and what is not? So we work on the right thing.
Make agreements
The practical side: children, housing, finances. Concrete and clear, not on feeling.
Communicate as parents
Practising how you keep aligning together, even once you are done as partners.
Move forward
Giving the loss a place and each being able to make your own new start.
What you can do today
Small, but it saves a lot later:
- Write the topics that need arranging onto one list, apart from the emotional conversations. Not everything has to be in one conversation.
- Only agree something with the children once you agree on it together. One story, carried by you both.
- For now, avoid irreversible steps taken in anger; those usually cost the most later.
Related services
Ready to get started?
Don't hesitate to schedule a no-obligation phone intro.