Frequently asked questions
Here you'll find answers to the most common questions about couples therapy, my approach, and what you can expect. Sessions take place at the practice in Uithoorn, on location in the Amsterdam area, or online, and run in English for internationals as readily as in Dutch. Can't find what you're looking for? Feel free to get in touch.
How many sessions do I need?
That depends on your situation and goal. Rough guidelines: communication issues 4–6 sessions; recurring arguments 6–10 sessions; after infidelity 6–12 sessions; separation support 4–12 sessions; single pattern work 3–6 sessions. You're never locked in: we set a direction together during the free intro call and evaluate along the way, so you always know where you stand.
What if my partner doesn't want to join?
That's a common concern, but you don't need your partner to begin. Sometimes working solo is enough: for your own clarity, your own calm, your own choices. You work on your own patterns, at your own pace. What happens with the relationship afterwards is not yours to carry alone. Let's discuss this personally.
Do you offer couples therapy?
Yes. I work as a certified relationship coach (SNRO-accredited, trained at Sonnevelt): practical and forward-looking, focused on what you can use today. If heavier, clinical care is needed, I'll say so honestly and help you find the right place.
How much does couples therapy cost?
The cost is straightforward: you pay per session, the intro call is free, and there is no subscription. Current rates are on the pricing page. No referral is needed; couples therapy is not reimbursed by health insurance.
Do I need a referral for couples therapy?
No. For couples therapy you don't need a referral from a doctor and there is no waiting list. You can book a free intro call right away, usually within a week.
What does relationship coaching cost?
The intro call is free and without obligation (by phone, around 15 minutes), that doubles as the intake. Rates are on the the pricing page.
How long does a session last?
Follow-up sessions usually last 60 to 90 minutes. The exact duration depends on your situation and what is discussed that day. We discuss this beforehand.
Can we also do online sessions?
Yes, that can be arranged. Video sessions via WhatsApp, Zoom, or Teams work well and are great for many couples. Especially if you don't live in the same city, or if childcare is difficult, online is a practical option.
What if after coaching we discover that separation is better?
That is a perfectly legitimate outcome. Relationship coaching isn't necessarily about 'staying together', it's about clarity and making choices from awareness, not from inertia. If separation is the healthiest choice, I help you do it with respect and care.
How quickly can we start?
Usually we can schedule an introduction call within a week of your contact. Feel free to reach out directly and we'll see what's possible.
Is coaching confidential?
Absolutely. What is discussed in coaching stays in coaching. You can feel safe addressing difficult topics, that's precisely what is valuable for the process.
How should I prepare for the first session?
Good preparation is mostly about honesty: be clear about what you want to get out of it. Think beforehand about what you'd like to ask, which situations you want to discuss, and what you'd like to see change. There's no required prep or questionnaire: just show up as you are. The free intro call is low-threshold, by phone, and lasts about 15 minutes.
Can I switch coaches if the fit isn't right?
Yes. A good fit is essential for coaching, and when it isn't there, it makes little sense to push through. During the free intro call you can already discover whether the collaboration fits. If it doesn't feel right, I can connect you with a colleague coach from my network. You're not tied to anything.
Is coaching for me even if I'm not dating right now?
Yes, absolutely. You don't need to be on dating apps to work on yourself. Many people come precisely to understand why things keep going wrong, or to process that something "was never official" but still hurt. Even if you've just come out of a situation where you felt stuck, whether it was a , a near-relationship, or a recurring pattern, it can help to look at that honestly.
I've just come out of a situationship, isn't it too early?
No, often this is THE moment. The confusion is greatest: it wasn't a "real" relationship, so why does it feel like this? It's precisely situations that were never official but were full of meaning that can reveal patterns you keep encountering. It's not about how serious it "officially" was, but how it felt for you. That's something you can work on meaningfully, even if the outside world doesn't think it's "that bad".
How do we deal with ghosting in dating?
hurts because it gives no closure. In coaching we look at what happens to you when someone disappears: do you take it personally, chase after them, or shut down before things go wrong again? We work on recognising your boundaries, communicating clearly what you want, and not losing yourself in the process. Not to change the other person, you don't have that control, but to break your own patterns.
Does coaching also help if I find it hard to say no?
Yes. People who always say yes while feeling no often recognize a pattern of . It feels safer to keep the other person happy than to set a boundary, but in the process you lose touch with yourself. In coaching we explore where that pattern comes from and practise, in small steps, setting boundaries: not harshly, but clearly. You don't need to become "better" at saying no, you become better in knowing what you actually want.
What if I fall for someone else while my relationship is fine?
It happens to more people than you might think, and it doesn't mean your relationship is "done". Sometimes falling for someone else is a signal that you're missing something you're not looking for in yourself or in your current partner: attention, excitement, recognition, space. In coaching we explore what that attraction is telling you, without you having to draw immediate conclusions about your relationship. Sometimes space opens up to talk about that need with your current partner. Sometimes it becomes clear that something has been missing for a while. Both are equally legitimate.
How long does recovery after infidelity take?
It depends on many factors: was it a one-time event or a longer period, are there children involved, how does the partner who was unfaithful respond, and how do you both look at it. A rough guideline: between 8 and 16 sessions, spread over a few months to half a year. Full "recovery" isn't a fixed end state, it's more about rebuilding trust, step by step, with honesty and steadiness. More about the approach is on Couples therapy after infidelity.
What if I want to forgive but I can't forget?
That's one of the most heard sentences after infidelity, and it's a sign that forgiving and forgetting are two different things. Forgiving is a conscious choice not to keep the other person (or yourself) stuck in revenge or resentment. Forgetting is about the memory itself, and that usually doesn't disappear. In coaching we work on what forgiving concretely means for you, and how you deal with the images and feelings that keep coming back. That's work, not a quick fix. The approach is on Couples therapy after infidelity.
My partner wants to continue, I'm still doubting, can I start on my own?
Yes, you can. Individual coaching is fully valid, you don't need your partner to begin. Sometimes it's precisely valuable to sort out your own doubts, grief, and questions first before you can move forward together. What happens with the relationship afterwards is not yours to carry alone. We're happy to discuss this personally in a free intro call. For the broader approach after infidelity you can also visit Couples therapy after infidelity.
Have another question?
Feel free to get in touch, I'm happy to answer your question.