Individual coaching

Individual coaching is different from couples therapy: here you work alone, not with your partner. The focus is personal growth and clarity. What's going on for you, what holds you back, what do you want? Sometimes that touches a relationship, sometimes not at all. Both are equally valid.

Many people who come to me know this feeling: something needs to change, but what exactly? Maybe you don't understand your partner, or you want the relationship to get better while feeling that you fall short. That insecurity can overwhelm everything.

In individual coaching you go deeper. You explore where your patterns come from, how they show up in relationships, and what you can do about them, with my coaching to guide you. I ask questions, challenge you, and help you get things clear. You don't have to do it alone, I support you through these changes.

The approach is always the same: you learn to stand more firmly in your own life, recognise boundaries and take up space. Not for someone else, for yourself.

I work from one belief: you have influence over how you react, communicate, and look at situations. This is not about blame. Seeing something doesn't mean it's your fault. But what is yours, you can change.

For many people that comes down to boundaries. You may recognize people-pleasing: saying yes while you feel no, putting yourself aside to keep the peace, and ending up empty afterwards. We look at where that comes from and practise setting boundaries, not harshly but clearly. If you understand what you do, you can start doing it differently.

Sometimes that shows up in a variant that's named less often: falling for someone else while your current relationship is actually fine. It's a sign you're missing something you can't quite put your finger on.

We work with concrete situations. You bring something from your daily life. A conversation with your partner, a conflict, a moment when you felt alone. We explore what happened and how you could do it differently next time.

The work begins with a free, no-obligation intro call. You tell me what's on your mind, I explain how I work, and then you decide. Session length, frequency, and what happens between sessions work the same whichever path we take. You'll find the full picture on the approach page.

Your partner doesn't need to join. On your own, too, you can take big steps.

Don't expect a quick fix. Real change takes time. Between sessions you'll get small reflections to carry along, because that's where knowing turns into doing. If you look at yourself honestly and dare to do things differently, you will notice it. Not only in relationships, but in how you feel about yourself.

A large part of the people I see on their own moved here from somewhere else. Relocation does something specific: the job is fine, the flat is fine, and still you feel further from yourself than you did before, because everything that used to hold you — a language you never had to think in, friends who knew you at twenty, a street you could read — was left behind at once. That is worth working on in its own right, not only as a relationship problem. Sessions are in English, at the practice in Uithoorn near Amsterdam, or online across the Netherlands.

The practical side, since it works differently here than in most systems people come from: individual coaching is not reimbursed by Dutch health insurance, so you pay for it yourself, whether your insurance is Dutch or from your home country. That also means no referral, no waiting list, no claim and no diagnosis on your record. You pay per session in advance, by payment request or bank transfer, and the first call costs nothing. Rates are on the pricing page.

You bring something concrete. A conversation where you said yes again while you felt no, or a moment when you withdrew. We take that moment and break it down. What happened, what came up in you, what held you back?

Then we practise that new behaviour in a safe setting, for example literally naming a boundary without apologising. A session often ends with one small experiment for the coming week, something you can actually carry out.

No fixed template. The work follows your question, but in broad strokes it usually moves like this.

A first, small step:

• Notice once today where you say yes while you feel no. Don't change it yet, just see it.
• Write down what you would say if you knew it was okay to disappoint the other person for a moment.
• Allow yourself one thing today without earning it, explaining it, or feeling guilty.