Couples therapy
Does this sound familiar? You talk past each other, feel alone in the relationship, or keep hitting the same conflicts. I help you reconnect — in English, in the Amsterdam area or online across the Netherlands. Not by changing who you are, but by changing how you communicate with each other.
Your partner doesn't have to join. Individual coaching is also available.
Forward together, in a new way
The relationship you had no longer works. That doesn't mean a new relationship isn't possible. A relationship that fits who you both are now.
Couples therapy helps you find that shape together. Not by recovering who you used to be, but by making room for who you are now and looking at where things could still get better.
Really talking to each other again
You love each other, but the way you talk no longer works. Conversations escalate, you feel unheard, small irritations become big conflicts. Or you live parallel lives, without real contact.
These patterns often grow over years and become more deeply ingrained. The longer you wait, the heavier it feels. But it doesn't have to stay that way. I help couples break those patterns and really start talking again. Not to win, but to understand each other and move forward together.
Many couples think the conflicts themselves are the problem. But conflict isn't what breaks a relationship. Avoiding it is. It's precisely in a difficult conversation that you show you take the other person's feelings seriously, and that's where trust grows. The closeness you miss often lies on the other side of the conversation you keep putting off.
Don't expect an endless process: we work practically on what moves you forward today, and if something heavier is going on, I'll say so honestly and help you find the right place.
My approach
Every relationship is unique, so the work is too. I don't work with a standard program. In the introduction we look at what you need and create a plan together.
I work from the belief that each partner has something they can do themselves. Not to assign blame, but because real change only becomes possible when you understand what is yours. That can be confronting, but also liberating.
During sessions we work on concrete situations. We practice communication and explore patterns. At home you continue with what you learned, so it becomes a learning process for both of you.
Practical and action-oriented
Tools and exercises you can use right away. No airy-fairy theory, just concrete handles for everyday situations.
Personal attention
Every couple is unique. I adapt my approach to what you need.
What can you expect?
The work begins with a free, no-obligation intro call. We check that it fits, and only then do you decide. Session length, frequency, and evaluation work the same whichever path we take. You'll find that step by step on the approach page.
Couples therapy asks something of both of you. Not perfection, but honesty. The courage to recognize a pattern, to admit what you keep in, and to keep investing when it's hard. Couples who also practice between sessions tend to notice the difference sooner.
Sessions run in Dutch or English, at the practice, online, or on location. If you're based in the city, see how it works for couples in Amsterdam.
Who is couples therapy for?
Couples therapy is for partners who are stuck with something, whether that's a specific conflict, a recurring pattern, or a sense of alienation. It's also for couples who want to strengthen their relationship before things really go wrong.
Many couples recognize themselves in this:
- You don't feel heard or understood by your partner
- Conversations often escalate into arguments
- You're living alongside each other without real contact
- A breach of trust has occurred after infidelity
- You're considering separation and don't want to rush into it
- You want to invest together to make your relationship better
If there's domestic violence, addiction issues or an acute crisis, coaching is not the right place. In that case I'll refer you to the appropriate professional help.
An example session
An example: We take one recurring argument, such as a discussion about the household that's really about something else, and replay it in slow motion. What did you say, what did the other hear, what was it really about? Not to prove who was wrong, but to see the pattern.
Then we practise it differently: the same situation, a different opening line, a different moment to stop. A session usually ends with one concrete agreement for the coming week, small enough to keep up and concrete enough to notice a difference.
How the work usually unfolds
No fixed steps. Every relationship is different, and most couples move through these phases, though rarely in a straight line.
See the pattern
Together we map out which conflict or which silence keeps coming back, without pointing a finger. Often just recognising it brings relief.
Learn to react differently
You practise listening and saying what you really mean, even when it's tense. We work with situations from your own week, not with theory. You notice a conversation derails less quickly.
Make it stick
The new behaviour becomes more natural, even when things get tough. You come out of an argument sooner, and have to think about it less and less.
What you can do today
One small experiment, even before the first session:
- In the next argument, notice what you feel just before you raise your voice or shut down. You don't have to change it yet, but you can notice it. Both physically and emotionally.
- Replace one reproach this week with a wish ("I would like it if…" instead of "you never…").
- Agree together on one topic you deliberately don't discuss this week. Rest is work too.
Related services
Ready to get started?
Reach out for a free, no-obligation intro call by phone.